The Pop Culture Media Apocalypse

Hello dear readers and people who stumbled across this by accident. Today I want to discuss a very severe issue that is going to affect the lives of everybody in the world at some point. It is a serious concern and must be dealt with the utmost care and attention. I am, of course, talking about zombies.

Night of the Living Dead. Dawn of the Dead. Day of the Dead. Land of the Dead. Resident Evil. Shaun of the Dead. Planet Terror. Zombieland. The Evil Dead. 28 Days Later. The Walking Dead. Alien Zombies. Zombie Strippers.

We as a society are not unfamiliar with the concept of zombies. They are the reanimated corpses of those near and dear to us. And they want to eat you. They want to rip you to pieces and feast on your brains. They want you to join them. Because of all the aforementioned pieces of cinema, video games and literature, we believe ourselves to be prepared for this pending disaster. But are we really?

What would you say to a person who walked up to you on the street and said they were from the future? Or that they had just been abducted by aliens? Or that they were the reincarnated Jesus Christ? You would probably say something to the affect of "get lost you crazy bastard!" Why would you say that? Two words: Pop Culture! We have become jaded by the Hollywood elite. We are no longer mystified and intrigued by the bizarre and unexplained. Hollywood has done every concept 12 times over. Two hundred years ago Joseph Smith created a religion of loyal followers based on the simple statement that he had spoken to God and Jesus. If he were to have said that today he would have been tossed in jail for public intoxication or possibly fitted for a straight jacket. We as a society are no longer impressed by anything. The same can be said for fear. We have real fears now. Terrorism. Cancer. Another Transformers movie. We as a society can no longer concern ourselves with irrational fears that have been popularized by the media. This, of course, brings me back to the issue at hand: ZOMBIES!!!

For 60 years zombies have been a mainstay in cinema and literature. What began as a little known vodou belief of reanimating the dead for labor. This, of course, evolved into the dead coming back to life to feast on the living. Movies like "Night of the Living Dead" and "Dawn of the Dead" would tell you that they just came back to life. Nobody knew how or why. It just happened. Later, more detailed origins would tell you it was a virus. "House of the Dead" and "Resident Evil" are two very popular video game franchises that tell of a zombie apocalypse due to a genetically engineered virus being let out into the general public. Now, with movies like "28 Days Later", "I Am Legend" and "Zombieland" the zombies aren't even dead. They are live people infected with a virus or disease and are completely incapable of controlling their actions and are forced to their most basic of beastly instincts.

Zombies are a popular topic in the media. They sell movie tickets and people can never wait for the next big video game epic where they can chop up and shoot their way through a zombie horde. But one idea slips most people's observation. People out there strongly believe that the zombie apocalypse is nigh. This is, of course, not unlikely due to the idea that zombies rise as a result of a biochemical weapon or virus. However, prepared as you may think you are thanks to the media, are you really ready to face what may be at hand?

Facebook and MySpace are littered with quizzes that rate your chances of survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. And most, if not all, begin with the question: "What will you be doing when the zombie outbreak begins?" Most people tend you answer along the lines of: "sitting at home watching the news broadcast" or "out with my friends, so I don't know". But what if you're that first person who sets eyes on a zombie. What if he approaches you all slow like a hobo begging for change? Or even worse, what if he sprints down the street and tackles you like you have the football in the Super Bowl? How are you going to react? Will survival instincts kick in? Or will rationality take hold and make you say something like "Sorry I don't have any change" and then get eaten?

For crying out loud we have zombie bar crawls. People walk through malls dressed as zombies. People go trick-or-treating as zombies. Sometimes people go out on a random Saturday as zombies because they think it's fun. How, in this day and age, are you going to know that a real zombie infected with a creepy biochemical virus or an aggressive strain of swine flu isn't about to tackle you down and chew out your jugular? Will you allow yourself to be eaten? Or will you risk going to jail for murder because you thought a guy in costume was really about to eat you?

If you choose the latter, please know that I am by no means endorsing that we kill all potential zombies. It is, currently, more likely that any zombie you see is in fact a person in costume. What this blog is meant to be is an observation of our chances of survival in the event of a zombie outbreak. Frankly, I don't think they are that good. Watch all the movies you want and kill all the zombies you can in Resident Evil 27, but at the end of the day, are you ready and willing to one day kill a real zombie? Prepare yourself. Check out The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks.

Common Sense Isn't Found In The Couch

I love Facebook. I honestly don't think there is a better, more efficient communications tool on the Internet. It has everything you need: Email, Instant Messaging, a user-friendly interface, Groups, Blogs, Apps (just to keep things interesting) and Ad Space. It's also a cleaner, more eye pleasing layout, as oppose to sites such as MySpace (may it rest in peace...once it realizes that it's dead, of course) where the sites and sounds cause an epileptic seizure or make you want to run over bunny rabbits with a Hummer (for the record I've never contemplated that last one...)

The point is, Facebook is a fantastic tool. It's innovative and constantly evolving. One of the reasons MySpace developed Cancer and died is that it didn't evolve with the times. It stayed the same over cluttered and incomprehensible mess that catered only to the entertainment industry and never changed it's layout or added new features. It got boring and monotonous and people just stopped caring.

What Facebook does is a stroke of genius. It changes every few months. Sometimes it's little changes such as new features and about once a year (or twice at most) it performs a complete overhaul of it's interface. Now, for some, this seems to frighten and annoy. After all, people don't like radical change. They may have voted for it, but at the end of the day, people prefer a comfort zone of familiarity. I know what you're thinking, "this guy is contradicting himself. If people don't like change, then why did MySpace fail. This guy sucks!" Not at all, my words were "radical change". People are okay with an easy-to-adapt-to-subtlety, but they don't like overhauls. That's why every time Facebook performs one of these 27 new groups pop up within the first 3 hours that demand it goes back to the way it was.

I am not a supporter of such things. It's true, I am one who does not like radical change. I prefer change to be subtle. However, I am forced to ask "who can even remember what the first Facebook layout looked like at this point?" It really doesn't matter when Facebook changes because in a week you'll get used to it and go back to your day-to-day of Status updates and photo uploading. It's OK everyone. The sky isn't falling and Carrot Top isn't performing for you in your living room. When Facebook changes, it is fine!

Except for this time.

Facebook recently implemented one of their more subtle, barely noticeable changes. However, it's causing more of an out lash than any of their overhauls that they've done in the past. What it is is that you're being prompted to "reconnect" with someone who hasn't been active in a while as a means of helping them to feel special or liked. It also prompts you if Facebook thinks you haven't been communicating with this person enough. Well, I have been repeatedly asked over the past few days to "reconnect" with a dearly departed friend. Yes people, Facebook is asking me to reconnect with a dead person. One could easily understand how this may be an emotional issue and one that Facebook really should have thought out when they decided to implement this change.

And it's not just me. There was a story on Yahoo! News today about the very same issue. People all over the world are being asked to reconnect with and write on the walls of deceased friends. Here's the article if you want to read it when you're done here: http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20091028/us_time/08599193280300

Now, I understand completely that Facebook doesn't know that these people are dead. All they know is that the person hasn't been active in a while and that you haven't been trying to contact them for anything. What you'll read in the attached article is that facebook now has instructions as to inform them of who has passed on and appropriate measures will be taken. That's all well and good, but it forces to ask yet another question regards to the implementation of said change: "do people still have common sense?"

Sure, if the developers at Facebook are curious as to why there is little activity from a particular profile, the last thing they probably want to assume is that the person has died. But what if they just don't like Facebook anymore. There have been a few people to jump ship and go exclusive to the simplicity of Twitter. What if you (being the person who is receiving the suggestion to reconnect) just don't want to talk to that person anymore? I mean, friendships do come and go after all. The person is still on your friends list, but you don't want to talk to them anymore (FYI: Friends Lists and having people on them that you don't like is another topic that I'm kicking around, so stay tuned...). Also, what if the reason I haven't Facebooked a person in a while is because I see them in person on a daily basis? A few days ago I was asked to reconnect with my roommate. For obvious reasons I don't Facebook him, therefore the good people at Facebook Development decided to intervene.

Change is good Facebook. I enjoy your site very much and that fact that you mix things up from time to time is one of the reasons I keep coming back. But you need to think things through before implementing the next big idea. Do some Marketing Research from time to time. Find out what people actually want. The option for a "dislike" button has been a hot topic for at least 6 months now. Where's that? Listen to the people and you will succeed. It's a concept that politicians haven't yet grasped, but maybe you can continue being the trend setter that you are and get the ball rolling on that one.

In the meantime dear readers, live long and don't touch my shit!

A Change of Pace

So...Tasty Groove Studios is no more! I know...pause for moment of silence. However, things are still kicking! "Alien Zombies" is still going under the banner of Paper Tiger Comics and will soon be online at its own website (www.alienzombiescomic.com).

So what does this mean for the blog? Not much. Just that it will now be my personal blog and not necessarily limited to the comics that I make. See you all soon!

Times (might be) a changin'

The Groove might already be done for (nothing official as of yet). The comics will still be getting made, though. It just so happens that I've been invited into an already established indie comic group, so all my fantastic ideas may be flying under a different banner when they make their debut. I'll be sure to keep you all posted.

PROGRESS!

I have successfully finished three pages of "Alien Zombies" with significant work done on the cover. Once I have at least two more pages and sufficient funds, I will be ready to launch the site and debut the comic to everyone. In the meantime, check out my Facebook page www.facebook.com/therealjamesthomas. I have the first three pages and the cover (up to this point) posted as a preview. Feel free to leave feedback. I'll take all comments into account before posting the final work to the site. See you all at the Groove...eventually!

Drawing, Inking, and soon to be posting...

So work is progressing very well on the first web comic to be offered from Tasty Groove Studios. "Alien Zombies" is in the drawing/inking stage and has a multitude of pages about finished. Once I have access to a scanner they should be ready for lettering and hopefully (but not yet fully decided) coloring. Once all that is said and done and I have the reasonable amount of content, the long awaited launch of the site will occur and all (if any) who are reading this right now will finally get to see and read the wonderful things that have been keeping me so preoccupied as of late. It will be quite the cause for celebration when the site gets launched and there will be many toasts in my honor.

Thank you all (again, if any) who have been sticking with me during this process. See you at 'The Groove.

Copied from Mike Hutch

Below is a blog copied from my friend Mike on his Myspace page. It is quite the insightful bit of brilliance. Enjoy!
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"Non Sequitor"

Today I tried to rescue a turtle wandering in the complete opposite direction of my neighborhood lake. Turned out he was a snapper. Needless to say, this didn't work out for either of us, and the turtle and I agreed to go our separate ways.

When I was a kid, I briefly borrowed my mother's copy of "Everything I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten." Even at a young age, I realized this book was crap. This is the kind of thing only Martha Stewart would think was awesome, and even then only if she were stoned out of her gourd on special brownies. Having recently retired from the world of video games, however, I gotta tell you: the shit you really need to know comes from video games. So many of life's little mysteries really only begin to make sense after you've wasted a few years on your ass exploding the crap out of computer-generated opponents. And I'm not attempting to be cute or clever, I'm deadly fucking serious: the lessons one can learn from video games will CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

BANANA STICKERS: This is a concept that I hammer into the ground because it's one of my favorites, and the term was first coined by Brendan Small. All right, you remember when you were a kid in school and your teacher would reward a good grade by putting a sticker on your paper? Maybe it was a little smiling apple ecstatically waving his hands saying "You're the best!" Or maybe it was Billy the Easily-Excited Banana with a word balloon over his head that read "YEAH YOU FUCKIN' DID IT!" Banana stickers are an ancient tool used by teachers to make you want to succeed. This is called "psychological validation" and can be applied to pretty much everything that motivates us. Video game designers implement the same sort of thing into their games: players accomplish a task, they're rewarded with flashy lights, big musical numbers, cheering CG crowds, a kiss from a princess, or a random old man that jumps out of nowhere and screams "YEAH YOU FUCKIN' DID IT!" It's all the same thing: Psychological Validation, AKA "Banana Stickers."

Banana stickers are a massive part of why we do everything. Athletes compete for them. Politicians campaign against each other for them. Junkies snort and shoot banana stickers. Smokers get stressed out that they don't have as many as they deserve, so they light a banana sticker on fire and shove it in their mouths (menthol banana stickers are particularly validating). Hell, a lot of people will argue that all of society is merely based on mankind's desire to acquire and keep acquiring the most overrated banana sticker of all: sex. "If I can get laid, then I must be doing all right. YEAH I FUCKIN' DID IT!"

Why is this useful information? Because knowing the cause can be helpful with the cure. It's a lot easier to quit smoking once you've reduced the psychological validation aspect to the term "banana sticker." And this isn't the sort of thing I would have realized before I played so many vdeo games. I once spent six hours in front of a Playstation trying to make a computer-generated puppet perfect his role as a pirate in an Opera, and never at any point during those six hours did it occur to me, "Dear God, why the Hell am I doing this?" Let's continue.

POKEMON: Three words: Gotta. Catch'em. All. Pokemon didn't invent this concept in video games, but they were the first to blatantly rub their psychological warfare tactics in the faces of helpless parents forced to spend thousands of dollars on Charizards and Psyducks and Penisface and whatever the fuck that raccoon-squirrel thing with three tails was called.

Surely to God if you've played at least one game in your life, you've played one of the Legend of Zelda games. In these games, you control a little green guy named Link. In every game, he starts with little more than a pocket full of dreams and an incredibly large bag with X number of slots in it. The "object" of Zelda games is SUPPOSEDLY something about rescuing a princess from a giant blue pig-thing armed with a magical three-sided paper weight (I'm not making this up.). But anyone who's actually played knows this is bullshit. Long after you've destroyed the evil blue pig-thing, you're still diving through sewers and digging through dungeons searching for those last magical items that you somehow overlooked during your adventures. And I don't mean the useful items like Hookshots and Boomerangs and Swords that shoot lasers (Again, not making this up.). I mean shitty, useless junk like the Toothpick of Everlasting Minty Freshness, the Discarded Underwear and the Toilet Paper Roll of "How the Fuck is This Supposed to Be Useful?" Kids in my generation devoted hours at a time to searching for all this useless crap, and we knew it was all worthless. But you wanna know why we did it?

Because we wanted to fill all the slots in the bag. Gotta. Catch'em. All.

Pokemon Syndrome applies to a lot of people in real life. Some people apply it to movies and television. Some apply it to music (hardcore music fans typically apply this to one genre.). Some people take it a step too far and apply it to drugs. Frat boys do it with beer and then devote yards of shelf-space to their Pokemon-beer can collection. Some people apply it to sex ("I dated a white girl, then a black girl, then an Asian girl ..."). Currently, soda companies incorporate the "Gotta Catch 'Em All" mentality into soda production. Mountain Dew in particular will release a "limited edition" soda for only a few months. The phrase "limited edition" is a huge psychological dickslap that forces people to go out and "try the soda while they still can." This actually works. Shit, I hate Mountain Dew. I HATE Mountain Dew. But everytime I go to Taco Bell, what do I get? The shitty Baja Breeze Mountain Dew flavor. Why? Because I can only get it at Taco Bell ...

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Japanese invented the concept, but the Americans perfected it. MMO's like World of Warcraft add so many dungeons and items on a monthly basis that it is literally impossible to acquire everything in the game. There is literally, LITERALLY no end. How does one beat a game with no end? Simple: Cancel your account, uninstall the program, and throw your CD's in the trash.

I win!

THE RANDOM OLD MAN: The Random Old Man is a plot device implemented by the writers who put together the storylines for video games. The archetype is Fusoya from Final Fantasy. Fusoya's appearance in the game goes something like this:

MAIN CHARACTER: Come on gang, let's go kill the last boss!
(Random Old Man jumps out of a nearby piece of incsonspicuously-placed pottery.)
MAIN CHARACTER: (Gasp.) Who are you?
FUSOYA: I am Fusoya, the random old man who appears at the end of the game! You know that guy you've been fighting for the past twenty hours who almost killed you and raped your girlfriend while pouring sugar in your gas tank? Yeah, turns out he's not actually the bad guy, he's just your brother with amnesia.
MAIN CHARACTER: It all makes sense now!
FUSOYA: Now I'm going to disappear and never be heard from again after I join your party and help you wreck some shit!
MAIN CHARACTER: YEAH I FUCKIN' DID IT!

Some of the earliest random old men appeared in the Legend of Zelda. In this game, Link ran into random old men all over the place, and we're not just talking slightly random old men like you'd see in a shopping mall food court. I'm talking reclusive old farts hiding under lakes, inside of mountains, across invisible bridges. At one point you set fire to a tree. You know what's inside? Yep. An old man. That's the apotheosis of random. And once discovered, there was no way of predicting what these wacky geezers would do! Sometimes they give out weapons, sometimes they wanna sell you shit or gamble or steal your money. One dude SETS YOU ON FIRE. Why does he do this? That's not rhetorical, I'm genuinely asking a question because I have no idea why this jerk sets you on fire. This accomplishes ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Your character's just running around on fire while this senile, sadistic fuck laughs at you. Surely by now the randomness of the situation speaks for itself.

What's the point of all this? Arguably the most important lesson to be learned from video games: Never, ever, under ANY circumstances should you talk to random old men!

MICHAEL JACKSON SYNDROME: Video games do a great job of inflating one's self-importance. It's surprisingly easy.

A Non-Player Character is a computer-controlled character in the game. They serve a variety of functions such as vendors and hint-givers. Some NPC's are limited in actions, only able to move a few steps back and forth, and are unable to say much more than one line (Such as "What a horrible night to have a curse," or "I like swords," or "YEAH YOU FUCKIN' DID IT!"). NPC's are a little creepy. Why? Because every single one of them knows who you are! And they know about what you've been doing! It's like this in pretty much every video game ever, and more often than not, it achieves the desired effect: You feel like a celebrity! You feel like Michael Jackson, like the most famous person in the world! And just like people did with Michael jackson, these NPC's will be nice to you and sing your praises NO MATTER WHAT! You could drop your pants and take a shit on that poor NPC's head, and he'll just sit there smiling away and saying "YEAH YOU FUCKIN' DID IT!"

I began to notice these concepts a couple of years ago while playing WoW when I realized that this little online community was something of a microcosm of the human condition, and the more aware of this I became, the more I loathed it. Everything you hate about real life is evident in MMO's and it's hyper-exaggerated to the point of cartoonish ridicule: liars, cheaters, assholes, Napoleons, alphas, omegas, leeches, losers, drunks, perverts, druggies, womanizers, Eskimos and Republicans. When I was a kid and I used to hide in my room in the dark playing Crono Trigger, you think I did that to be social or popular? Video games USED to be a counter-culture thing, and they stopped being cool the moment Grand Theft Auto became popular and made the video game market safe for the average consumer. It's kind of the way Kurt Cobain got pissed off when he realized jocks and frat boys were listening to his music: it wasn't originally intended for everyone. Video game kids used to hide in the back of the cafeteria and whisper about Final Fantasy in small, tight-knit groups that collectively gasped if a girl so much as blinked in their general direction. Otherwise they were like me and they didn't play video games with anyone. Period. Ever. I got to college and I thought multi-player was a great idea. Oh how I erred ...

I like some of the kids I played WoW with, don't get me wrong. I've even met a few of them in real life. But Jesus ...imagine the casts of Animal House, Hee-Haw and Soul Plane all breaking into your house at once while you're trying to play Chess, and all providing simultaneous advice and commentary on your progression in the game. That's what online-gaming is like, and the fun part is that thanks to Michael Jackson syndrome, everybody's of the mistaken impression that their opinions are made of solid gold. Not to mention the inevitable drama that comes from cramming people together in such a close-knit (virtual) space. I got banned from playing with one group of people because one of their higher-ups wanted to boink a girl who apparently liked me. In a video game. I've seen people invest hundreds of dollars of REAL MONEY into disguising their identities and relocating after they steal from other people. In a video game. I know of at least two men that pretended to be women online and used their "sexual prowess" to get free weapons and armor from under-sexed nerds. In a video game. Have I mentioned that I'm totally not making any of this up?

After a while, I became incredibly sick of the game, sick of the people, just sick ...but I kept playing ...and playing ...and I couldn't stop, and for months I had this little subconscious news ticker (the kind you see scrolling across the bottom of Fox news) that kept saying "Why am I still playing this stupid game? This isn't fun. You know what'd be more fun right now? Ice cream. Or Internet Porn. Or a root canal. Or just about anything." Slowly but surely I began to recognize all the little devices this company had implemented in order to keep me hooked on their product, and eventually after having all these epiphanies I got to the point where I could walk away.

I'm dead serious that these revelations have real-life uses: understanding why you do something is the first step to dealing with it, acknowledging it, curing it, accepting it, helping other people understand it or whatever. If you have some sort of habitual behavior or drive or goal that you don't understand, that you have no idea why you do it ...it might be a banana sticker. It might be Pokemon. Or it's possible it's just another random old man.

That's all the psychological validation I've got time for today. Tune in next week when we teach poodles how to fly. Good night, and fuck off.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

I wanted to wait and see this movie a second time before posting my review but I'm not sure when that is going to be at this point, so first impressions will have to do. BEWARE!!! Reading beyond this point will result in a shit load of spoilers. Do not read any further if you desire to watch this movie and be "surprised". Once again: SPOILER WARNING!!! On that note, let's begin.

I am a huge fan of "G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero" (the toy line, cartoon series and comic books). A HUGE FAN! So let it be known now that this review is not going to be favorable. It is also going to be quite lengthy as I have a lot to bitch about. So for those who do not wish to read every little bit of crap that will spew from my mouth, let me some up this movie in two simple words for you:

ASS RAPED!!!!

Now, for those who wish to continue and read in detail, by all means do so. It will be enlightening to say the least.

The premise of G.I. Joe is a simple one. Elite men and women from around the world (originally American, sure, but in later incarnations it became international) are assembled into a special missions force that defends human freedom against a ruthless terrorist organization known as Cobra. The two battle it out endlessly with advanced technology as their weapons and 99% of the time the Joes come out victorious. It's one giant morality tale and helps to bring a patriotic spirit to the ones watching, reading or playing. Yo Joe!

The movie succeeded in this sense. G.I. Joe is an elite special missions force with the most advanced weapons and surveillance technology the world has to offer and their enemy is an as yet unrevealed terrorist organization with equally impressive technology. However, what made G.I. Joe so popular wasn't just the premise. That's too easy and ultimately unexciting. What people tend to remember most are the characters. Each with their own rich back story and a reason for doing what they do. This is where the filmmakers went wrong and didn't even have the courtesy to lube us up first.

I guess I can start with the positives since there are so few: (1) The action. Yes, it can't be said that this movie isn't without action. The premise of G.I. Joe is two forces battling it out with advanced weaponry, so action is a must. There is plenty of it. 'Nuff said. (2) Cobra's Neo Vipers, the elite foot soldiers, are not random recruits who willingly joined Cobra. They are kidnapped soldiers who were brainwashed using nanomite technology. This is actually quite cool and easier to stand behind as oppose to a bunch of guys who thought being a bad guy came with good pay and benefits. (3) Destro. One of the only characters to be written and portrayed accurately to his 80's counterpart. Destro is a greedy arms dealer who wants nothing but to be the guy with the best weapons and the most power. And as an added bonus, he actually gets his iconic silver mask at the end in a rather interesting and acceptable way (more nanomites). (4) The fight scene between Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Although there were some negatived weighing against this scene that will be detailed below, the actual choreography of the scene was fantastic. I mean, who doesn't love to say Ray Park flip through the air?

OK...that's all the positives I have. Isn't that a bitch? Now it's time to go through the negatives, which I may limit to the most hated to keep this from being too long.

(1) Channing Tatum as Duke! The worst part of the whole movie. If there was only one way the filmmakers could have gone wrong it would have been to f*ck up my favorite character and they did it. Tatum's acting was monotonous and poorly delivered. Not to mention that a character who is supposed to be the all-American natural leader type was portrayed like an extra from an Eminem video. Taking the team leader and making him the young rookie was a typical Hollywood plotline that took away from the character and his story and his whiny obsession with Bubble Yum was both embarassing and rage enchancing. I hate you Channing Tatum. Go make Step Up 3 and stay the hell out of G.I. Joe!

(2) Character designs. G.I. Joe features some of the most iconic characters in pop culture history. I'm okay with the Joes wearing black stealth armor as it is more sensible for our modern time setting, but why the hell did they have to mess up Cobra Commander, Snake Eyes and Doctor Mindbender (oh keep reading...there's more coming on THAT guy!!!).

Let's start with Cobra Commander. His identity is masked at all times by one of two visages. An executioner's hood with the Cobra symbol or a battle helmet with a chrome faceplate. So, tell me why he actually ended up looking like the bastard child of someone from Hellboy and He-Man??? Well, according to the producers it's because the executioners hood looked too much like a KKK hood. Yeah...I can totally look a blue executioners hood and see a tall, pointed white hood!!! What the hell? Even if that were the case, what was wrong with the helmet? Too Nazi??? He's a f*cking badguy! Who gives a shit?! That's like changing the Superman costume. Don't mess with an icon!!!

The Snake Eyes costume was given a mouth. That's easily understandable for a character that doesn't talk. That's just a pet peeve, though. The main problem I had with it is just that it look stupid as hell. I mean I was actually angry every time I saw his stupid looking mask. It almost ruined the epic fight scene because every time you saw Snake Eyes there was a stupid rubber grin staring you down.

Doctor Mindbender, some might remember, is a bald guy with a huge mustache and a monacle. Well, they got the monacle right...sort of (they made it dark blue instead of clear like most monacles). As for the rest of him...hair and some sort of breathing aparatus over his mouth. Why did they do this? Because...drum roll...Doctor Mindbender is actually Cobra Commander!!!! WHAT A TWIST!!! Sure, you later found out that there was in fact a man named Doctor Mindbender who taught Rex Lewis (I mean Cobra Commander) everything he knows about nanomites, but even then...that guy had hair too!!! What's going through filmmakers' minds when they just decide they aren't even going to attempt to follow the designs of a 25 year old beloved character concept? Do they think we won't notice?

(3) The Barroness. I mean Anna Lewis. I mean Anna DeCobray (the latter of the names being half right). In the accepted storyline, Barroness is a researcher from an obvious Eastern European country based on her accent. She joins Cobra after finding her brother murdered and Snake Eyes standing over the body with a smoking gun. She swears vengeance on America and aids Cobra Commander as his equal in terms of determination and skill. In the movie? She's Anna Lewis. An American who gets mind controlled by Rex Lewis (her brother/Cobra Commander/Dr. Mindbender/pain in my ass) and is forced to marry a French barron, hense her new title as the Barroness. Oh yeah...and she's also Duke's ex-fiancee and in the end her love for Duke causes her to break the mind control and she becomes a good guy, rescuing Duke from becoming a Neo Viper drone and aiding in the arrest of Cobra Commander and Destro. Yay! A happy ending for a villanous character! *Thumbs down*

(4) Marlon Wayons as Ripcord. Actually, Ripcord in general was just plain horrible in this movie, but the fact that Marlon Wayons played him immediately shows that they were using a third rate character as comic relief. Ripcord, by definition of his name, is a paratroop soldier. When you need someone to drop into a hotspot, you send Ripcord and Airborn. What did Ripcord do in this? He fought on the ground, frequently and without parachute. And he flies a Cobra jet on a mission to destory warheads and even goes into the upper atmosphere before ejecting (and finally using a parachute). He also has an annoying amount of one liners and even gets it on with Scarlett (who everyone knows is supposed to be in a love triangle with Snake Eyes and Duke).

(5) Snake Eye's vow of silence. The reason Snake Eyes wears a mask and doesn't talk is because he was FUBAR'd and had his vocal chordes cut. This helps add a level of depth to the character. Well, in the movie he simply has a vow of silence, which he took after his master was killed. This means he can start talking at any point. I actually thought he was about to even! When he "kills" Storm Shadow, he stares at where the dead body had fallen and starts breathing heavily. This would have been the ideal moment for something lame...I mean honorable...as "for you, master." Luckily it didn't happen, but I wouldn't be surprised if it found it's way the DVD release.

(6) Lastly, the one-liners they through in to try and pay homeage to the series were both lame and misplaced. "We know everything. And knowing is half the battle" was forced and way too obvious. "You better say yes. He's a real American hero" (when Duke proposes to Anna) was just lame. And Heavy Duty's "Yo Joe!" at the end, even though it was placed at a perfect moment, was just horribly delievered and ended up sounding dumb.

Okay, I guess that is enough rambling. If you made it this far I commend you. You are a trooper. What I can say is that the sequel has potential now that everything is set up the way it should be. Cobra Commander is officially the Commander, no longer masquerading as Dr. Mindbender and Destro is officially Destro as he is known by the fans. Barroness can potentially be a villain again because the G.I. Joe doctors couldn't remove the nanomites and there are still a lot of great characters to be introduced if they can be done correctly (Flint, Lady Jay, Firefly, Roadblock, etc.). So we'll see what happens. But as for this first movie, it was pretty bad. So now you know. And knowing is...well...you get it....

Robert McCullough (1954-2009)

I'm not just a publisher of web comics, I'm also a graphic designer. It's what I went to school for and it's what I get paid to do when I'm not writing and drawing the funny books. On Monday, July 13, the graphic design community lost one of its most inspirational and caring individuals.

Robert McCullough was an accomplished designer and artist, having exhibited his work across the United States and Europe, with a once highly successful advertising and design firm located in Hampton Roads, Virginia. Since 1980, however, Robert had been an instructor of fine arts and graphic design at Old Dominion University, where he educated and inspired many of today's rising stars.

Robert was that teacher who people talk about as having made an impact on their life in a way that pushed them to achieve everything they had ever wanted. He made sure you had everything you needed to reach those goals. As a teacher, he always told you what you were doing right and what you were doing wrong. If it was wrong, he told you how so and what you should consider doing to make it right. He never said "No, that's just bad" and then left you to your own devices to try and figure it out. He was a real teacher and mentor.

Robert will be greatly missed and never forgotten. He is survived by his wife, Harriet, daughter and step-daughter, as well as his many friends, colleagues and students. For more information about Robert McCullough, you can read about him at the following places: www.oduart.wordpress.com and at Facebook.

Thank you for everything, Robert.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

This is quite long and conatins some spoilers, so be warned...

I was born in 1985, which means my cartoon viewing that I am capable of remembering didn't start until 1989 or so. More reasonably 1990. That being said, I was a few years late for the phenomenon that was Generation 1 of "The Transformers". However, in more recent years I have gone back and watched a good portion of the series thanks to DVD and free streaming websites. The overall opinion: Transformers is pretty freaking awesome and incredibly brilliant!

That now brings us to Michael Bay and his new movie, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen".

I was more or less a fan of the original "Transformers" that Bay had directed back in 2007. It had a number of flaws, but the special effects were amazing and the humor between main character Shia LeBouf and his parents was very entertaining. Not to mention the incredible robot on robot violence. However, "Revenge of the Fallen" did not hold up in such respect.

It will be easy to go ahead and put out there the handful of things that I did like: (1) Optimus Prime vs. The Decepticons in the forest. That scene was by far the best in the movie and really emphasized the hero that Optimus Prime is supposed to be (which was a little absent in the original flick). The special effects and the level of action was outstanding. (2) The parents. Yes, they were funny again. Even in the parts where the humor was over the top and a little unnecessary, I still laughed. (3) The final action sequence was very intense and managed to keep me riveted for a while. And, of course, Megan Fox in a slow motion run.

What was wrong with the movie? Pretty much everything else. The Autobot "wonder twins" were a completely racist, not funny, and totally unnecessary addition. When you have so many outstanding and prominent Autobots to choose from, you don't need to make up new ones that are just going to piss the audience off. One of the biggest flaws in the first movie was also the lack of presence by the Transformers, in general. It was too much based on the humans. The same problem persists in this movie, but 10 fold. There isn't even any dialogue from most of the Autobots that appeared in the first movie. You get Prime, Bumblebee (whose voice box apparently doesn't work again), a couple of one-liners from Ironhide, and the "wonder twins". The character of Agent Simmons (John Tuturro) returns in all his uselessness and is accompanied by an even more useless character in the form of Shia's roommate, Leo (Ramone Rodriguez). When the two appear on screen together (which is often) it's like the filmmakers are crapping in the face of anybody who's ever developed strong characters.

Lastly, I'll close this rant with The Decepticons. Most people usuallt root for the bad guys. I tend to lean more towards the heroes, but in the case of Transformers I find the Decepticons to be equally impressive in character development and their goals. What happened to them in this movie? Megatron was pretty awesome at times, but Starscream was a total coward who accomplished nothing, Devastator showed up long enough to be taken out like a little bitch, and The Fallen (supposedly one of the biggest badasses ever in the universe) gets one-punched by "Super Prime" and it's all she wrote.

I usually like Michael Bay movies (with the exception of the first half of "Pearl Harbor"). I find them entertaining, which is the purpose of a summer blockbuster. But "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a slap to the face. Thanks, Michael Bay. I expect better of you next time!

Welcome To The Groove!

Just as a means of getting things started, I'm posting this initial and entirely brief message. Welcome to the Groove! You're lives are now better for being a part of this great new experience. Hopefully this is the start of something everlasting. Thank you.